


Operation: Wingman

by DeadmanDairyland



Category: Deadman Wonderland
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-17
Updated: 2019-09-17
Packaged: 2019-10-11 18:27:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,229
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17452130
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DeadmanDairyland/pseuds/DeadmanDairyland
Summary: Makina's friends take her to a bar so she can relax a little and have fun. After one drink too many Makina decides to play along with the charade and tries to hook Kasuga up with one of the guys, not realizing that it's not the guys that Kasuga is interested in.





	1. Mutiny

**Author's Note:**

> Why are there no Makina/Kasuga fics? Honestly!
> 
> This must be remedied immediately.

"...Why are we doing this again?"

Makina had her arms folded as her companions drove her through the city. Her complaint yielded a mocking laugh from Kashima, which didn't relieve her annoyance.

"'Cause you're all high-strung all the time," Eko said. "You need to learn to relax every once in a while. Be casual. Cut loose, mingle, and all that."

"Ridiculous," Makina said bitterly. "I'm the most relaxed person I know."

"If your idea of relaxing is hazing and emasculating prison inmates and military recruits, then yes," Bonbu said.

"My idea of relaxing is a long bubble bath after a glass of wine and a bottle of sake, not necessarily in that order," Makina replied monotonously. She then raised an eyebrow at Bonbu. "And I never hazed my recruits," she added.

"...I see," Bonbu conceded.

"I don't know about you guys, but I'm just here as an excuse to get trashed," Kashima admitted.

"Yeah, and I wouldn't mind going home with somebody myself," Eko added coyly. "It's been a while since I've seen any action."

Makina closed her eyes and inhaled deeply through her nose in an attempt to relieve the headache that was beginning to form. She brought her attention to the only person in the vehicle she felt she could still trust to keep her sane. "Kasuga, you're usually the voice of reason. Why are you taking part in this mutiny?"

"Huh?" Kasuga, who was driving the van and had mentally checked out of the conversation when Makina mentioned bubble baths, was startled at the mention of her name and tried to make it seem like she was paying attention to their conversation. "Ah, uh... well, you guys need a designated driver, yes?"

"Sounds like someone is a lightweight," Bonbu said.

Kasuga took offense to Bonbu's remark. "Hey! I'll have you know I've won a few drinking contests in my day! I'm just being responsible, is all. Need to make sure everyone gets home safe."

"...I see," Bonbu said. Kashima laughed at his embarrassment.

"Ah, here we are," Kasuga noted, and she pulled the van into a parking space. A few feet away stood the bar that Makina and her companions would spend the bulk of the night.

"I can't believe I'm doing this," Makina said with a sigh as the guys got out of the van.

Kasuga looked back at her from the driver's seat. "Don't worry, ma'am. I promise I'll get you home safe and sound." She began to blush. "Ah, u-unless, of course, you decide to go home with, uh, someone else..."

Makina noticed Kasuga's sudden discomfort as she finished her train of thought, but she had a different assumption for its source. "If you want to have fun, you shouldn't hold yourself back for us. If none of us are fit for driving, we can always call a cab."

"Ah, no! Not necessary," Kasuga said, waving her hands in dismissal. "I made a promise and I intend to keep it. Just try to relax and have fun tonight, okay?"

"You too, huh?" Makina said, somewhat disappointed. "I still don't understand why everyone thinks I'm high-strung. Just because I assert myself whenever the situation calls for it? It's not my fault that just so happens to be all the time. I'm a former Special Forces operative, a former prison guard at the world's most depraved correctional facility and the center of the biggest conspiracy of our generation, and a retired drill instructor. Being a stone cold bitch just come naturally to me."

"I wouldn't word it like that, but I see what you mean," Kasuga said with a smile. "Still, I don't believe I've ever seen you take a break since I've met you. I'd say you more than deserve a night on the town, and I think it will do you some good, but maybe that's just me."

Makina's expression softened after hearing this. "I see. If that is how you feel, then I suppose I can give this a try. Thank you for your support, Kasuga."

"Of course, ma'am."

"Oh, and Kasuga?"

"Yes, ma'am?"

"I'm no longer your superior," Makina said. "You don't need to address me as 'ma'am' anymore."

"Of course, ma'am."

Makina stared deadpan at Kasuga before Kasuga realized her mistake.

"Oh. Makina. Right."

 

* * *

 

Makina and Kasuga spent the majority of the night at the bar as the guys failed at every attempt to flirt with the women elsewhere in the tavern. The tavern itself had a distinctly western atmosphere about it, and the patrons seemed to be more interested in other patrons than the food and drinks. She wondered if the plan was really just to get her laid. Makina rolled her eyes at the thought.

Kasuga had a few non-alcoholic cocktails, and Makina had her usual fare: sake, wine, and steak. But Makina decided to treat herself with more sake, more wine, and more steak than usual. It was her night, after all.

Makina was certainly not a lightweight. Hell, her diet mostly consisted of alcohol as it was. And being both Japanese and German it would be a crime if she couldn't hold her liquor. So she had no concerns as she ordered a shot of whiskey. And then a second. And then a third. And then a shot of tequila. And so on.

"Hey there, babe," someone said to her left. A man with the sleeziest smile this side of the late Tamaki sat down on the stool next to her, his eyes either in bedroom state or flat-out wasted state. Makina couldn't tell either way. "You come here often?"

Makina wasn't impressed. "First time," she said in a completely emotionless tone of voice.

"Then you should probably be careful, then. Pretty ladies like you will bring out all the sharks," the man said, his eyes drifting down toward her cleavage before rising back up to meet her lips. "Luckily for you, your knight in shining armor here will keep you safe."

"Lucky me," Makina said, her voice deadpan. If she wasn't completely bored of this guy, she would have found the whole thing amusing. Kasuga was certainly enjoying herself though, as she held a hand over her mouth to prevent herself from laughing.

"So, uh..." He couldn't seem to keep his eyes off her chest. "You maybe wanna come home with me tonight, sexy?" he offered.

"Not really," she answered without missing a beat, and the man immediately deflated. "You remind me too much of that fox."

Kasuga couldn't hold in her giggles anymore, and the man looked at her in annoyance.

"Something funny over there?" the man asked harshly, and Kasuga's laugh stopped abruptly, her eyes widening at a possibly dangerous situation. "I don't appreciate being laughed at by some--!"

Makina's eyes shot open, and she turned to face the man for the first time in the whole exchange. "Do not speak to my companion like that again, or I will take my boot and feed your ass up to my knee. Do you understand?"

The primal fear she instilled in the man was the stuff of legends. The man quickly distanced himself from the two women, terrified that she was actually capable of performing such a feat with how strongly she said it.

Kasuga let out a breath of relief. "Thanks, Makina... I'm sure I could have handled him myself, but I'm glad you were there for me."

"It was no trouble," Makina told her. "So many of these idiots still think women are pushovers. If he took one look at my career history, he'd piss his pants and run home crying to his mother." She took a sip of her drink. "Someone like that would never be man enough for me."

"O-oh..." Kasuga blushed and looked toward her drink.

This did not go unnoticed by Makina. "Are you okay?"

"Yes, ma'am--uh, I mean, Makina. I'm fine."

Makina wasn't convinced. She looked at her own drink, ignoring the buzz already forming in her brain. Kasuga was a little strange at times, but today something seemed off about her. In her buzzed state, the reason for this seemed obvious.

'Perhaps she wants to go home with someone after all,' Makina assumed.

But there was no way Makina would just let her dear friend Kasuga go home with some random asshole like the guy that just hit on her.

She looked back to the guys, who were now huddled together, no doubt exhausted from all the rejections they received.

Normally, Makina wouldn't entertain such a mission, but Kasuga's melancholy demeanor and the guys' unsuccessful attempts at wooing the patrons gave her an idea. After all, the guys wanted her to cut loose and have some fun, and she knew this was one way to go about doing that. So that was it. Her decision was made.

She was going to hook Kasuga up with one of the guys.

And that was how Operation: Wingman started.


	2. Bomberman

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Featuring Bachelor #1: Bonbu

Makina put as much thought into this as she possibly could in her buzzed state. If Kasuga was going home with someone, it had to be someone who would treat her with the care and respect she deserved.

Eko was the first to come to mind. While he was a little too persistent for his own good, Makina had no doubt that Eko would treat Kasuga well if given the opportunity. But then again Makina could think of a few times she had to get it through his thick skull that she wasn't interested in him. It didn't exactly paint him in the most positive light.

Kashima was the next one she considered. Even with all the tiger stripe tattoos he was really cute--something Makina would never admit out loud and certainly not to his face. And Kasuga didn't seem like the type that would turn someone down for having a prosthetic limb. But Kashima was rather... _eccentric._  In other words, he was loud, easily bored, completely full of himself, and was prone to violence. Not exactly a people person.

And finally there was Bonbu. Tall, dark, and handsome--that was a plus. But he also had an annoying tendency to put his foot in his mouth. Still, he was probably her best bet. If Kasuga was going home with any of them, she would prefer it to be him.

"I'm gonna check on the boys," Makina told Kasuga. "I'll be right back."

"Don't push yourself too hard," Kasuga said with a smile. "This _is_ your night, remember?"

 _'We'll see about that,'_ Makina thought to herself as she left Kasuga's side.

When she reached Bonbu she tugged on his shoulder. "Excuse me, Bonbu, do you have a moment?"

Bonbu studied her for a moment. "What do you need?"

Makina gestured to Kasuga at the bar. "What do you think of Kasuga?"

Bonbu glanced over at Kasuga, and then turned back at Makina. "Is this some kind of trick?"

"Not at all," Makina said, shaking her head. "I just want to do something to thank Kasuga for her years of service. She's stuck with me since Deadman Wonderland, after all. Very loyal. Does great shoulder massages."

Bonbu hummed as he thought about this. "...Did she say anything about me?"

"No, but I get the feeling she wants to go home with someone, and I'd rather her go home with one of you guys than with some jackass like the guy who hit on me earlier," Makina explained. "If you're interested, of course."

Bonbu looked over at Kasuga again. "Well... She _is_ pretty cute..."

Makina slapped a hand on his shoulder. "That's the spirit, soldier."

 _'...What did I get myself into?'_ Bonbu thought to himself.

 

* * *

 

Kasuga soon became aware of another presence sitting next to her, taking Makina's seat. "Oh, sorry, that seat's take--oh! Hi, Bonbu," she greeted warmly once she realized who her new companion was.

Bonbu studied Kasuga's expression before responding with his own "Hello."

"So, did you run into Makina just now?" Kasuga asked as she looked around, but she couldn't see Makina anywhere.

"She went to the restroom, I think," Bonbu lied. In reality, Makina was stealthily hiding behind a nearby jukebox.

"Ah, okay then." Kasuga awkwardly eyed her drink as Bonbu ordered a sake bomb.

The bartender set a glass of beer in front of the bomb expert. He then placed two chopsticks on top of the glass and balanced a shot of sake on the chopsticks.

"Something about this seems sacrilegious," Kasuga quipped.

"No, just American," Bonbu replied in a deadpan tone. Then, without warning, he began to chant loudly. "ICHI! NI! SAN! SAKE BOMB!" He slammed his fists onto the counter, and the shot glass fell into the beer. "KANPAI!" He chugged the cocktail down, much to Kasuga's amusement.

"You're weird," Kasuga said with a laugh.

"That's how you're supposed to drink it," Bonbu said after he finished chugging the drink, his voice back to its usual monotone. "Or at least that's what I've read."

"Huh." Kasuga took a sip of her virgin piña colada. "Americans sure are weird. In a fun way, of course."

"It really is something that could only be invented in the West, to be honest," Bonbu admitted. "Most people here would explode if they see you mix good sake with other drinks. Sake bombs are all about having fun, so I've read." He shrugged. "Plus, it has the word 'bomb' in it. I had to try it at least once."

"So did you have fun?" Kasuga asked with a smile.

Bonbu blushed. It was the first time Kasuga had ever seen his face glow like that. "It was... enjoyable, yes..."

They sat in silence for some time. Kasuga took another sip of her drink.

"So..." Bonbu started up again, his voice somehow both nervous and deadpan at the same time. "Do you have any plans for tonight?"

"My... plans?" a confused Kasuga asked. "Uh... I don't really have any plans aside from this." Of course, she wasn't going to tell him that she was likely going to slip into a baby blue babydoll nightgown when she got home and spend the night touching herself to the thought of Makina relaxing in a bubble bath. That was none of his business.

"Would you like to spend the night with me?" Bonbu asked, his voice still completely monotonous.

Kasuga raised an eyebrow at him, surprised by the offer. "Uh... no. Sorry. I'm not interested."

"...I see." Bonbu said, his expression stone-faced. As someone who was well versed with explosive devices, he wasn't surprised at all that his attempt at wooing Kasuga would bomb.

"Ah, please don't take this the wrong way," Kasuga said quickly, not wanting to upset him. "You're a cool guy and all. I just..." She pondered for a moment whether she should actually tell him about her feelings. In the end, she decided to keep it vague. "I'm interested in someone else. That's all."

Bonbu processed this information for a moment and nodded. "I see. Thank you, Kasuga." He stood up, paid for his drink, and walked away without saying another word, leaving a confused Kasuga at the bar.

 

* * *

 

"She's interested in someone else?" Makina asked.

"That's what she said, yes," Bonbu confirmed.

"So she _is_ interested in someone," Makina said with a nod. "How... _interesting."_ She smirked at her own joke.

"Are you feeling alright?" Bonbu asked.

"Never better," Makina said as she patted Bonbu on the shoulder again.

"...I never want to see you drunk again," Bonbu admitted.

"I'm not _that_ drunk," Makina said, irritated. "I'm just... letting loose. Like you guys wanted, remember?"

"...I see," Bonbu conceded.

"Now if you'll excuse me, I have a mission to complete," Makina told him. "At ease, soldier." She gave him a salute and walked away.

"...This is going to be a strange evening," Bonbu said under his breath.


	3. Womanizer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Featuring Bachelor #2: Eko

_'One down, two to go.'_ Makina thought as she walked in Eko's direction. The man was currently being turned down by yet another patron. So much for being the Casanova that he always claimed to be.

Makina had used careful deliberation when deciding who Plan B was going to be. Kasuga had already admitted she was interested in someone, and Makina was banking on the possibility that it was one of her boys. From there, she assumed that Kashima was a little too wild for Kasuga's tastes, so that just left Eko as her next matchmaking choice for Kasuga. _'It's only logical,'_ the buzzed Makina convinced herself.

It wouldn't take much persuading to convince Eko to woo Kasuga, Makina figured. The man was always flirting with women, even during military operations and coups to overthrow corrupt prison wardens. The man didn't seem to have an off switch when it came to flirting.

 _'Would Kasuga be interested in a huge flirt?'_ Makina wondered. Kasuga had surprised her before, with her undying loyalty and occasional bouts of confidence. There could be more surprises hidden behind that fashionable pair of glasses.

"Eko," Makina called, getting her friend's attention.

He looked at her for a second before immediately bouncing back as if he hadn't been rejected by countless women throughout the night. "Hey, babe," he said with a smirk. "You finally want a taste of Kaido?"

"No," Makina quickly responded, and Eko immediately deflated. "But I might be interested in hooking you up with someone," she added when she remembered why she was talking to him.

Eko raised an eyebrow at her. "You're... playing matchmaker?"

"Correct."

"...How drunk are you?" Eko asked, concerned.

"I'm not _that_ drunk," Makina said, insulted by the insinuation. "And didn't you say you wanted me to let loose? You and Bonbu seem to have forgotten that."

"I guess I wasn't expecting... _you_ of all people to be interested in matchmaking," Eko admitted. "Dating has never really been your thing, so... getting two other people to date seems kind of out of your element."

"And despite that you hit on me 24/7," Makina pointed out.

"Never hurts to try," Eko said.

"It does when you start getting restraining orders," Makina warned him.

"Then I must be doing something right if you haven't filed one against me yet," Eko quipped.

"I would never," Makina said with a chuckle. "Your attempts are too amusing."

Eko deflated again.

"But back to the situation at hand," Makina continued, "My mission is to hook Kasuga up with someone. Preferably with someone I know."

"Kasuga?" He looked over to the bar where Kasuga sat. "Are you... sure about that?"

"What do you mean?" Makina asked.

"Well, I was under the impression that she was..." He trailed off, worried that he might put his foot in his mouth. He supposed there was a possibility he was wrong about Kasuga being a lesbian and specifically interested in one woman in particular, but mostly he was desperate for a night with a beautiful woman and Kasuga certainly ticked that box. "You know what? Never mind. Let's see where this goes."

 

* * *

 

Seeing movement out of the corner of her eye, Kasuga turned to see Makina and Eko heading in her direction. "Oh! Hey, Makina. Everything alright? You were in the bathroom for quite a while."

"Must be all that wine," Makina said as she sat down at Kasuga's left. Eko took the seat on her right. He got the bartender's attention and ordered a Sex on the Beach.

"So, Kasuga..." Eko started. "You said you've been in a few drinking contests before, yeah?"

"...Yeah?" Kasuga answered, confused as to where this was heading. "I'm the designated driver though, remember? I'm not drinking anything alcoholic tonight."

"I know," Eko said with a smirk. "But I have to admit I'm curious. Was the sweet and responsible Kyoko Kasuga a rough and rowdy type when she was younger?"

Makina's eyebrows raised at the thought. She never really thought about Kasuga in such a way before, and it sparked her interest as well.

"I... wouldn't say I was exactly a party animal," Kasuga admitted, blushing as she saw Makina had her full undivided attention, "I only went to maybe a couple of parties at university, and only when I was invited by friends. But I've been told I'm a very fun drunk. A 'dance on top of the bar in front of cheering spectators' kind of drunk."

"The best kind of drunk," Eko said approvingly as the bartender handed him his drink.

Makina looked away, her thoughts now full of the same scenario--of Kasuga tearing off her shirt and getting up on the bar, waving and twirling her shirt around as everyone cheered her on, her eyes closed and her smile wide as she gyrated her hips, her shapely rear swaying in front of Makina's face.

Makina immediately ordered a round of Scotch.

"Perhaps in hindsight it's for the best that I'm the designated driver of the evening," Kasuga said with a laugh.

"Maybe," Eko said, "but I'd love to see that side of you sometime." He winked at her.

"I'm... curious as well," Makina admitted, causing Kasuga to nearly choke on her virgin colada. "Perhaps in private we can see this side of Kasuga."

Kasuga laughed nervously. "I'm... not sure if I want _you_ to see it, Makina. It would probably destroy your image of me."

Makina didn't know why, but a part of her wanted to see that image destroyed. Not that the image she had of Kasuga was bad to begin with, but the idea of Kasuga with a wild side was just too enticing.

Kasuga cleared her throat. "Um... How about we change the subject..."

Makina looked over to Eko, who was probably still fixated on the image she was fixated on just a couple seconds ago, because he wasn't saying a word. So Makina took matters into her own hands.

"So, if you don't mind me asking, Kasuga," Makina started, "what got you interested in working as a prison guard?" It was something that Makina had always been curious about, but she never pried into Kasuga's personal life before.

"Oh!" Kasuga was caught off guard by the question, and she didn't really want to answer it. "Well... that's actually kind of a personal story. Let's just say... I did it mostly because no one expected me to, and I wanted to prove I could do it." She looked down at her drink and smiled. "Plus, I've always wanted to help people, especially after the Great Tokyo Earthquake happened, and I figured... that was one way to do that, y'know?"

Makina nodded. "An honorable goal, don't you think, Eko?"

Eko snapped to attention. "Huh? Oh! Yeah. What she said."

Makina glared at Eko and mouthed _'Are you kidding me?'_

Eko just shrugged, and Makina rubbed her aching forehead.

"You okay, Makina?" Kasuga asked.

"Yeah... Just a headache," Makina assured her.

Eko cleared his throat. "So, Kasuga..." he started, putting as much smoulder into his voice as he could muster, "I've been meaning to ask you something. Would you be interested in taking me home tonight?" he said with another wink.

"Well, I mean... that's the plan," Kasuga said, confused. "I'm your ride home, after all."

"Shit, uh..." Eko struggled to reword what he meant to say. "What I meant was... I've been looking for a new dance partner. Would you like to stay over at my place tonight and help me practice the horizontal shuffle?"

Kasuga choked on her drink.

"Are you alright?" Makina asked in concern, placing a hand on her back.

Kasuga nodded. "Yeah, just... went down the wrong tube." She stood up, wiping her eyes as she turned to Makina. "Gotta use the restroom. I'll be right back," she said as she hurriedly walked away.

When Kasuga was out of earshot, Makina turned to Eko with a stern look on her face. "What the _hell_ was that?"

"I think I might have also had too much to drink," Eko admitted. "But honestly I wasn't expecting her to agree to it anyway. I think you might have her figured all wrong. She's not interested in me."

Makina looked toward her drink and nodded. "Yeah, you're right... I should have known better."

"Uh-huh," Eko mumbled, finishing his drink. So much for Sex on the Beach. He wasn't even going to get sex in a _bed_ at this rate.

"Yeah..." Makina said, continuing her train of thought. "Of _course_ Kasuga would be interested in cute guys."

Eko did a double take. "Say what?"

"I mean think about it. Kasuga is _exactly_ the kind of person who would sleep with stuffed animals and gush over cat videos all day. So _of course_ she'd be into Kashima."

"What the _fuck_ are you talking about?" Eko asked, almost appalled by this line of thinking.

"Oh come on, we're all thinking it," Makina said. "Even with one leg and all those tattoos that man is probably the cutest-looking guy we know."

"He's also batshit insane," Eko said. "And so are you if you think this is a good idea."

"Are you talking back to me, soldier?" Makina asked, her glare cutting a hole straight through Eko's soul.

Eko held his hands up defensively. "On second thought, do what you want." He paid for his drink and left the bar. "Tonight's gonna be a trainwreck," he said under his breath.


	4. Tiger Shark

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Featuring Bachelor #3: Kashima

Kashima did not like the look that Makina was giving him. Perhaps it was her smile. Or maybe it was the way her eyebrows were raised. Or it could have been because this was _Makina_ making that face. Either way, the sinking feeling of despair in Kashima's stomach was unprecedented.

"Heeeeeeey, Kashima!" Makina called out to him.

Never in Kashima's life had he ever felt such a feeling of dread. Even losing his leg paled in comparison to the horrors that was whatever creature was standing and swaying before him.

Makina didn't seem to notice his lack of response. "What's a cutie like you doing all by himself in a place like this?"

Kashima's jaw dropped. Something was definitely wrong. There was _no_ way Makina would ever call him cute to his face.

"How drunk _are_ you?!" Kashima shouted in disgust.

"I'm not _that_ drunk," Makina said, annoyed with the accusation. But she quickly bounced back. "Say, Kashima," she said, her smile sly in a way that made Kashima feel like she was about to put a bullet in his brain, "how would you like to hook up with the hottest babe in the bar?"

Despite Kashima's discomfort, he could not miss an opportunity to be a wise-ass. "That's bold of you to assume you're the hottest babe in the bar."

"Not me, dumbass!" Makina scolded, slapping Kashima upside the head. "Kasuga!"

Groaning in pain, Kashima rubbed the spot where she had slapped him. "Wait, you're trying to hook me up with Four Eyes?"

"Her name is Kasuga, but yes."

Kashima brought a finger to his chin as the gears in his head began to turn. "Hmmmmm... Yeah, you're right. She is _way_ hotter than you."

 _"Heeeey,_ now," Makina slurred angrily. "Any more backtalk outta you, maggot, and you're doing a hundred push-ups."

Kashima whipped his head back and groaned. _"Fiiiiiiiiiine."_

 

* * *

 

Kasuga returned from the restroom to find Makina and Kashima sitting at the bar. "Oh! Hey guys!" she greeted as she sat down between them.

"Welcome back, Kasuga," Makina said.

"I can attach an M4 carbine to my stump like that chick from Planet Terror," Kashima bragged immediately.

Makina stared at Kashima in confusion, partially because she recognized that it was probably not the right thing to say when trying to hook up with someone like Kasuga, and partially because she was drunk enough that she couldn't quite process _why_ it wasn't the right thing to say.

"Oh, that's cool, I guess," Kasuga said with an uncomfortable nod.

The bartender asked for Kashima's order. When Makina tried to order herself, the bartender waved his hand dismissively. "Sorry, but I think you've had enough for tonight."

"I beg your pardon?" Makina said, her eyes narrowing.

Kasuga put a hand on Makina's shoulder. "I agree. I know we want you to loosen up, but... maybe we can, uh... do it some other way?" She blushed as she realized what she said didn't quite sound like what she wanted to say.

The bartender handed Kashima his drink.

"So... a Monkey Gland, huh?" Kasuga asked, a smirk on her lips. "That's funny considering you're basically the Monkey King of our group."

"I'll take that as a compliment," Kashima said with a smug grin of his own. "But for the record, I am _clearly_ a tiger shark."

Kasuga nodded, giggling. "I can definitely see the tiger, anyway, with the tattoos and all. But where does the shark part come in?"

"My pearly whites, of course," Kashima said with a shit-eating grin.

"Tigers have teeth too, though," Kasuga pointed out.

"Come on, can you think of _anything_ that sounds more badass than 'tiger shark'?" Kashima challenged her.

"Fair enough," Kasuga said, returning her attention to her non-alcoholic drink.

"You know, there's an interesting story behind the name of this drink," Kashima said, trying to hold back a cackle.

"Oh?" Kasuga asked, genuinely curious.

"So there was this Russian guy living in France, Serge Voronoff. He was a surgeon who had some crazy ideas on how to heal people with certain health conditions and even increase people's longevity." He took a sip of the drink. "For the most part, it involved grafting monkey testicles onto men's balls."

And once again, Kasuga choked on her drink. Makina immediately tried to slap Kasuga on the back, but missed the mark by a mile, nearly falling out of her seat as she hit nothing but air.

"I _told_ you it was an interesting story," Kashima said in his defense as Kasuga's breath returned to her.

"Aha, yeah... You weren't kidding," Kasuga said with a laugh as she adjusted her glasses.

Kashima smirked and brought his hands to the back of his head. "So, Kasuga," he started, closing his eyes and leaning back, "I was thinking maybe you and I could--"

"Alright, I'm going to stop you right there," Kasuga interrupted. She turned to Makina. "You and I need to talk. _Now."_

Kashima laughed as Kasuga dragged Makina toward the restroom. "Well, _that_ was quick!"

Bonbu, who had been secretly eavesdropping on the whole exchange, sat in the now empty seat next to Kashima. "I am honestly quite surprised you lasted as long as you did."

His blunt observation earned him an immediate smack in the face.

"You fucking idiot! Obviously I wasn't actually trying to hook up with Kasuga!" Kashima scolded.

"You weren't?" Bonbu asked, confused.

"No, dumbass! We all fucking know who she _really_ wants to go home with! Makina's just completely oblivious when it comes to this shit!"

"Then why were you flirting with her?" Bonbu asked.

 _"Flirting?"_ Kashima laughed. "You call that _flirting?_ I was fucking around the whole time! This whole situation is funny as _shit._ Kasuga's been wanting to bang Makina since, like, the beginning of time, and Makina has _no_ fucking idea. If this place served popcorn, I would be drowning in it right now!"

"...I see," Bonbu said as Kashima finished his drink. He looked over to the bartender. "I'm going to order another Sake Bomb."

Kashima cackled. "Oh, _this_ I gotta see."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As I was writing this chapter I came to realize that I have no idea how to write a drunk person. Feel free to give feedback on how I'm handling Makina here. And for anything, really. I don't have a beta, so feedback is extremely helpful.


End file.
